Carnival of Aces - December: Attraction

This post is for the December edition of Carnival of Aces, on the theme of Attraction, which is being hosted at Really and Ideally

On Romantic Attraction

bell hooks - author of All About Love

We receive messages everywhere that tell us sex and romance go hand in hand, and I’m sure they do for some people.  However, this becomes problematic when this experience is perceived as ‘correct’ or ‘normal’.  I believe that the concept of romance is fluid and everyone experiences their own personal definition of it.  Not all asexuals experience romantic attraction, but as one who does, I’ve found that people have a difficult time wrapping their minds around the idea of experiencing romantic attraction without sexual attraction.  I identify as panromantic, meaning that I’m capable of developing romantic feelings for someone regardless of their sex, gender, or sexual identity.  I feel fortunate to have such a flexible and generous identity, but being a romantic asexual brings on its own challenges. 

It reminds me of when I tell people that I follow a pescetarian diet.  Anyone who follows any degree of vegetarianism knows what it’s like to have someone gaping at you, eyes wide, and asking, “So what do you eat?” I’m always baffled by this response, as people seem to temporarily forget that all the other food groups exist.  Similarly, there are all types of attraction, from emotional to aesthetic and many in between.  Sexual attraction is just one form and is by no means the cornerstone of everyone’s experience, just as meat is not the cornerstone of everyone’s diets.  We forget this because our experiences in terms of relationships are so generalized and spelled out for us, regardless of how we actually experience things, by the romantic blueprint.